October Theory: Maybe You Don’t Need a Reset. Maybe You Need to Let Go.

Some things aren’t meant to be carried forever.

I’ve always thought of April as a month of new beginnings.

Maybe part of that is because I was born in April, so I naturally feel connected to it. But I also think there’s something about spring that makes starting again feel possible.

We’ve spent months inside. Resting. Hibernating a little. Thinking about things. Working on things quietly. And then spring comes, the days get longer, flowers start pushing their way through the ground, and everything that has been waiting gets a chance to come out into the world.

We bloom.

October has always felt like the other side of that for me.

It’s almost exactly six months from April, and there’s something about that symmetry that I love. Almost a yin and yang energy to the year.

April asks me, What are you ready to begin?

October asks me, What are you ready to let go of?

And lately, I’ve been thinking about that question a lot.

Some seasons ask us to bloom. Others ask us to let go. We need both.

So, What Is October Theory?

Apparently, the internet has been thinking about October too.

There’s a trend called October Theory, which basically treats October like a second New Year. The idea is that something about fall makes us want to take stock of where we are, look at the habits and goals we started the year with, and decide what we want to change before another year begins.

And I get it.

There is something about October that makes me reflective.

Psychologists sometimes talk about the “fresh start effect,” the way certain markers in time, like a birthday, a new year, a new season, can give us a natural opportunity to separate what came before from what comes next.

But I don’t know that I need October to be another January.

I don’t need another list of things I should accomplish before December 31.

I don’t need another challenge telling me I have 90 days to completely change my life.

Maybe I don’t need to do more.

Maybe I need to carry less.

This October Feels a Little Different

I’m 49.

This is my last year in my 40s, which feels strange to even write.

I’m not having an existential crisis about turning 50. Actually, I’m excited about it. And if I’m allowed to say it, I think I’m holding up pretty well. 😂

But there is something deeper underneath it for me.

My mother never made it to 50. There are other people in my family who didn’t either.

So reaching 50 doesn’t feel like something to dread.

It feels like a privilege.

I get to go somewhere people I loved didn’t get to go.

And knowing that has made me think about how I want to arrive there.

Not how much I can accomplish before my birthday.

Not whether I can magically fix every part of my life in the next few months.

I’ve been thinking more about who I want to be when I step into this next chapter.

And that means being willing to look at some of the things I don’t want to bring with me.

There are habits I need to let go of.

There are patterns I know aren’t good for me.

There are old ways of thinking about myself that I’ve carried for much too long.

And there are parts of myself I actually want back.

Somewhere Along the Way, I Lost Some of My Joy

I work a lot.

Some of that is because I’m building things I care about. I want A Light in the Chaos to grow. I want to write my book. I have ideas and dreams that still excite me.

But I’ve also noticed that I don’t do some of the things I used to do simply because they made me happy.

I used to take Sunday drives.

No real destination. Just get in the car, put on music and go somewhere.

I used to travel more.

I explored more.

And lately I’ve been asking myself when I stopped doing some of those things.

The chaos doesn’t scare me. But I’ve noticed there isn’t enough joy.

That’s something I want to change.

Not when I turn 50.

Now.

Letting Go Is Messier Than We Make It Sound

Here’s the other thing I’m learning.

Letting go sounds really beautiful when we talk about it.

Release what no longer serves you.

Leave the past behind.

Choose yourself.

Okay.

But what happens when you decide to let something go on Monday and find yourself right back in the same pattern on Thursday?

Because that happens too.

At least it does to me.

There are changes I’ve made and then undone.

There are moments when I know better and still don’t do better.

There are mistakes I’ve made more than once.

And I can be really hard on myself about that.

I’m learning that change requires accountability, but I don’t think accountability has to mean punishment.

I can look at something I did and say, Val, you knew better.

I can take responsibility for it.

I can make it right when I can.

And I can still give myself enough grace to try again tomorrow.

Those things aren’t opposites.

Letting go isn’t always one big decision.

Sometimes it happens one choice at a time.

I Know What I Want More Of

Maybe moving forward isn’t about knowing exactly where you’re going. Maybe it’s about making room for a little more joy along the way.

I want peace.

I want to feel more financially comfortable. I’m not there yet, and I think what I’m really looking for is the freedom that comes with not having to worry about money all the time. To be able to make choices based on what I want for my life, not always based on what I can or can’t afford. I want to travel again.

I want to write my book.

I want to create an A Light in the Chaos retreat.

I want to spend time near the ocean.

I want Sunday drives.

I want to explore.

I want to wake up sometimes and do something simply because it sounds fun.

I want more joy.

And maybe that’s what letting go is really about.

It isn’t only about what we’re leaving behind.

It’s about creating room for what we want to experience next.

Maybe You Don’t Need to Become a New Person

We hear so much about reinventing ourselves.

New year. New you.

New era.

New chapter.

And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to grow.

But lately I’ve been wondering if becoming the next version of ourselves always requires becoming someone completely new.

Maybe some of it is remembering who we were before life got so heavy.

Maybe there’s something you used to love that you stopped doing.

Maybe you used to paint.

Or dance.

Or travel.

Or read.

Maybe you called your friends more.

Maybe you spent more time outside.

Maybe you laughed more.

Maybe there’s a part of you that has been waiting quietly for you to come back.

That counts as a new beginning too.

Start With Today

If you’re reading this and thinking, Okay, but I know I need to change something and I have no idea where to start, this is what I would tell you:

Start with today.

That’s it.

You don’t need a 90-day transformation plan.

You don’t have to wait for January 1.

You don’t even have to know exactly where you’re going yet.

Ask yourself:

What am I ready to let go of?

What do I want more of?

What is one choice I can make today that gets me a little closer to that?

And make that choice.

Tomorrow, you get another one.

You might make the old choice again.

You might have to learn the same lesson more than once.

Welcome to being human.

Give yourself some grace and choose again.

Maybe that’s my version of October Theory.

October doesn’t have to be another January.

For me, April will probably always be the season of beginnings. It’s when the world wakes up, stretches toward the sun and starts blooming again.

October is different.

October feels quieter.

It asks me to look around at what I’ve been carrying and decide what still belongs.

The leaves don’t seem afraid to do that.

They spent months growing. They provided shade. They did exactly what they came here to do.

And then their season changes.

They let go.

Maybe we can too.

Not because what we’re releasing didn’t matter.

Not because we have everything figured out.

But because sometimes we know when something has traveled with us far enough.

As I move through this October and toward this last stretch of my 40s, that’s what I’m trying to remember.

I don’t have to become an entirely different woman before I turn 50.

I just want to arrive there carrying a little less of what has weighed me down and a little more of what makes me feel alive.

And maybe that’s enough.

A Little Space to Reflect This Fall

Frequently Asked Questions

What is October Theory?

October Theory is the idea that October can feel like a second New Year, a natural point in the year when we begin taking stock of where we are, what’s working and what we may want to change before the year ends.

The term itself became popular through social media, but the feeling behind it isn’t entirely new. Certain moments in time, like birthdays, new seasons and the beginning of a new year, can naturally prompt us to reflect and feel more motivated to make a change. October simply gives that feeling a name.

Why does fall make us feel reflective?

Changes in seasons can create natural markers in our lives. Fall also visibly reminds us that change, release and rest are part of a cycle. For some people, that makes October a natural time to slow down and think about what they want to carry forward and what they may be ready to leave behind.

Is letting go the same as forgetting?

No. Letting go doesn’t mean something didn’t matter. It doesn’t require you to erase a person, experience or part of your life. Sometimes letting go simply means deciding that something from your past no longer gets to determine what happens next.

How do I reset my life when I feel overwhelmed?

Start with today. Instead of trying to change everything at once, ask yourself what you want less of, what you want more of and what one small decision you can make today that supports that change. You can choose again tomorrow.

What should I ask myself during an October reset?

Start here:

What am I ready to let go of?

What do I want more of?

What is one choice I can make today that moves me toward the life I want?

You don’t have to know all the answers yet.

Sometimes the question is the beginning.